I've decided to revamp the idea behind this blog. i feel like the catogories that ive been trying to hold myself to have held me back from exploring topics and voicing things that i really want to say. So in 2010 no rules, spread love. This is a place where im free to be me and tell the world my one little opinion about it all. i represent everything that is human, people strong and broken. somedays i want to talk about meditation, sometimes its a song i really like and now im freeing myself to do it all. I hope that you guys will join me!
i fouund god in myself and i loved her/ i loved her fiercely. ~notzake shange

My goal this summer is to get my hair into tip top shape. Even though I think my hair is pretty healthy, since I've been natural I haven't developed a plan for keep my hair healthy and growing. I use organic shampoo and condition, Avalon that I found in Trader Joes or Whole Foods. I also love many of the Carols Daughters products. But my favorite thing to use in my hair has always been my Shea butter. I have been using it in on myuself for years and it works wonders in every aspect that i've come to use it. Lately I have been mixing it with coconut oil(another gem) and let it melt down a little. It is perfect for putting twist in your hair or other styling techniques. I am ready to branch out and try other at home recipes that I have duscovered. I want to focus on purely natural products so I will be using things that i make myself or that I am sure are certified ortgamic. I would love if others would join on this journey. As we know, many hair products made and directed towards black people have chemicals that are horrible for our hair. My goals are gaining elasticity in the strands of my hair, gaining some length, and having overall healthy, boignant hair. I have purchased essential oils, tea tree and rosemary (whole foods) and I plan to combine them with most products that you can find at home, such as honey, eggs, etc. With each new recipe I will report on how well it worked in my hair. I'm excited to start my summer journey! Are you coming with me?

True Beauty

I am now 23 years old and ever since I can remember, my skin and eye color have been the topic of conversation from my friends to adults alike. now I know we've all heard the arguments over and over about the light skin dark skin controversy in the Black community. But throughout the years I have only been able to find people on two sides of this issue. They either recognize the problem and try to do things to change it, or are apart of the problem. I am a West Indian American woman, I am very fair skinned and have green/gray/sometimes blue eyes, depending on the weather or what I wear. There it is. I am Black. I love being black, I am African, and I am not ashamed to say it. So why is it that people are constantly trying to put me in categories and boxes about who i am and the way I should think? It is one thing if you want to assume that I am mixed...fine...but then when I tell that I am not, why of why do you think it is ok to argue with me? i do believe I am the best judge as to who I am. The complexion of a persons skin we all know is heavily pounced upon at the birth a child in our community. As a result from the moment that child is born there treatment is affected and sometimes decided by the child's complexion. Growing up with this look and my mindset has taught a lot about who we are as human beings and who black people are as a race. After a while I began to despise my skin color and my eyes. Children assumed I was conceited. Girls didn't want to be friends with me. Teachers and adults treated me different. I was just "such a pretty little girl." There was nothing that I could do. Besides reject everything that they loved. I was an avid reader as a child and as a teen I began to learn more about my heritage, about my inner Africa that got lost in the mumbo jumbo that is America. And when I found her I never let her go. We need to love our children right. Teach them self love. If I was so affected by so called positive energy, imagine how the negative energy my peers received affected them? Embrace who you are . TRUE BEAUTY. I heavily embrace my africaness and on top of that I have chosen to live an off the cusp life style that tends to make people uncomfortable. I can't help it I am an off the cusp kind of person. People seem to think this is a product of my so called "mixed" look. Being interested in yoga, eating healthy, and a holistic lifestyle? I think it qualifies as a hippy at best. And I'm fine with that. I wear my hair natural. Apparently as black women we should feel shame when our hair is worn in its natural state. Even as a young girl I was always awed and amazed at how negatively people viewed something that was so inherently natural. For all these believers in God, they fight so hard to go against what god has created. I wore my hair relaxed from the ages of 12 to 19. I wanted to stop perming my hair at the age of 15 but pressure from my mother and other family members prevented me from doing so. People would say things like "You can't do it, you're gonna start perming it again in a few months" or "Why you want your hair like that?" "How do you comb it?" The last one is my favorite. How did we ever allow ourselves to get so out of touch with the people that we are. The people that we were born to be. The concept of beauty has plagued the black woman since she left the shores of Africa, and the brainwashing has not stopped. It is a legacy passed down through generations. Women teaching there daughters to love themselves, but only like this...To me this seems like another form of hate. The chains no longer about our feet and hands but now about our minds. My light skin doesn't make me any less black, and more beautiful, or any more ugly. I am. That is all. I am.

Obama is President! Yes we are happy...hopefully people will remeber that he is still human. This day of pride for people may not be the miracle that people assume it to be. I am very happy to see Barack Obama stand at the top of this country. But i can't help but wonder what the underground rulers of our country have up their sleeves. Hopefully nothing, but my trust in the American government is less than strong. But for all those who have lost their lives...I am proud to be a Black American, by way of the West Indies, and before that Africa.

On a lighter note...

The cold is killing me, I think I might be getting the flu and I can't help but dream of Jamaica. I am preparing myself for our family reunion this summer in JA, but right now I wish i could speed up these winter months. I haven't been to my mother's homeland since I was about 12 and my homesickness has slowly turned to a dreamlike state, of "did that really happen?", was I ever truly there? I am a woman who can now fully embrace the culture that is around me, learn the history of the country that my family manifested in...These days I feel like a fraud claiming Jamaicaness...I know nothing of Jamaica today, know nothing of the youth and culture, the day to day life. I can connect through food, music, even clothing and slang. But what of the people?

I'm believe I'm ready to move back "home"... to live amongst the people for awhile, to be reacquainted with the culture that I was born into. There Americans are looked up to, considered lucky and rich, but here we know that the streets are not paved with gold. After the mental slavery that all people of the diaspora have faced the condition that we are in is not surprising and yet it seems almost impossible to reverse it. This is apart of embracing Sankofa. You will not get anywhere unless you embrace and learn from the past, look to the ancestors for guidance, and remembering the beauty of our people.

To Tat or not to Tat?

I've been having an inward battle for some time now about whether or not I should get a tatoo. I have always said that I would never because I think they are a little cheesy, for one, and I believe the body is scared, two. But with many recent changes in my beleifs an d thoughts I'm wondering if my aversion to tatoos has to do with my upbringing in a strict christion enviroment. Is it really how I feel or is it what I have been taught to feel. Along with my dress, hairstyles and other daily choices is my choice not to get a tatoo a response to Western influence? I have always admired people that got meanigful tatoos, I would hope that would be most people's aim but unfortunately it is not. So my idea was to get two things that mean very much to me. I am a very spiritual person and try to live my life in a balanced and peaceful way. So for me the OM is very meaningful and woulddeeply impact me if I were to have it as a tatoo. Another consideration of mine are a fw adinra symbols. These symbols are prominant in Ghana, West Africa and hold a lot of meaning to the people there and many people who have learned of them. The most popular of these seems to be the Sankofa, which is understandable, considering the meaning. It is represented as a decorative looking heart or a bird looking behind. Loosely translated it stands for 'go back and fetch it" or look to your past in order to get to your future. This is a very powerful meaning and something we all need to learn in life. These symbols mean alot to me and have alot to do with how I live my day to day life. If I were to have them permanetly etched into my body, it would reaffirm my convictions. So is it my catholic guilt that is affecting me or am I over thinking it? To tat or not to tat?